Giving and receiving criticism - a display of love (Part 2)

In the previous post I spoke to what I naturally tend to expect/want when I face criticism. I think it is wise to spell out in golden-rule fashion how that should impact how I might give criticism to others.

• I should give others the space to not be perfect 100% of the time. Scripture speaks of overlooking minor faults and forgiving those.
  
• I should realize that I do not sit in the seat of others. I should extend patience and kindness. I would do well to invest some time into thinking through things from their perspective, not just my own (and even in doing so, I should not think I am all-knowing). I should try to consider the fact that I really don't know everything that is going on in their world. I should not assume that I do. It would do me well to even verbalize that to another person.
• I should give someone the benefit of the doubt in the motives category. I never truly know WHY someone does something (unless they say so). With that in mind, it is generally a good rule to not assume people are acting with clearly evil intent.
• I should give the opportunity to others to explain their situation and decision before jumping to conclusions. This is not always easy, but I think it is a wise investment of time to do so. Proverbs says that a fool is only interested in expressing their own opinion. If I really desire that I better communicate with someone, I will be compelled to listen and not only speak.
• I should realize that it is very hard not to take criticism personally. We can say "it's not personal," but all too often it feels VERY personal when we levy criticism. I think I could grow in my sensitivity to the fact that often criticism is hard NOT to take personally. It might slow my tongue down.
• I should do some damage assessment of my criticism. Maybe this could be viewed as a law of unintended consequences. It might be wise for me to ask, "is this really worth it?" Might this impact other relationships? Would this put someone in such a defensive posture that little good and much harm would come out of it? Once again, I might be slower to speak, and slower to criticize if I considered the potential damage I could cause. I wonder how many families, relationships, and churches could be spared if we thought just a few minutes more about this.
• I should consider whether I really have the best interests of another person in mind when I criticize. The alternative to their best interests is often my own wishes. Often, it is easier for me to be right than to be loving. It is easier for me to want the approval of a listening ear than it is for me to be a loving servant to others.
• I should be sensitive to timing in other people's lives. Can I think of reasons why this may not be the right time to approach this? Would this criticism be better received a few days later? Are they coming off a big high or a deep low? Are there other time-sensitive pressures that are noticeable from their perspective? I think answering these questions would change so many difficult discussions.
  

Giving and receiving criticism - a display of love

Love your neighbor as yourself. I don’t believe that Jesus is teaching we need to work hard to love ourselves. Truly, that isn’t hard work; it is natural. Jesus assumes we will love ourselves in a self-sacrificial way, and that natural, fleshly self-love can actually instruct us in ways to love our neighbor.

Particularly, this has some bearing on how we criticize others and how we handle criticism. At times, rebuke is in order. At times, people and systems need critique. Such critique is not necessarily unchristian. It is part and parcel of living in a fallen world. Having said that, I find there is often inconsistency with how I give criticism and how I receive it. These thoughts represent a desire to close the gap of that particular inconsistency. They shouldn't in any way function as a list of demands I place on others, but rather a helpful guide to me in loving others.

• I want people to give me room not to be perfect. If I want that for myself, I should give others the space to not be perfect as well.
• I want people to realize that they do not sit in my seat. They don’t have a view of the situation from my vantage point.
• I want people to realize that I am least trying to do what I think is right. I often am very frustrated to have people judge my motives.
• I would rather have the opportunity to explain myself, than to have someone jumping to conclusions.
• I want people to realize that it is very hard not to take criticism personally.
• I want people to do some damage assessment of their criticism.
• I want those who have my best interests in mind to give me honest feedback.
• I want people to be sensitive to timing.

Grow in Grace, Pt 2

Continuing on from the previous post...

This year, I have seen myself more clearly and more often as the older brother (from the story of the prodigal son). It was very clear to me in the story of Jonah, that I have a tendency to not be as excited about God showing grace to others. I expect grace to me, and appreciate it, but I have a Jonah-syndrome that often makes me question whether others are as deserving. God revealed to me that the older brother AND the younger brother were estranged from the Father. Jonah AND the Ninevites were disobedient. The good news is that God is interested in saving both the UNrighteous and the SELFrighteous.

Christ comes to save sinners of the 'righteous' variety and the 'immoral' variety.

Grow in Grace

Over the next few days, I would like to share some things that I believe God has taught me over the course of 2010.

If we are supposed to grow in God's grace and knowledge of Him, I desire to see progress in my life. In addition, I want to grow in my understanding of our times and the world in which we live.

I believe I have grown in my understanding of the basis of prayer. One of the primary reasons I should have confidence in prayer is that God has given every indication that he wants me to pray, and it is his delight to answer requests. The series of messages on Luke 12 had such a strong impact on me. Especially the fact that “it is the Father’s good pleasure to give us the kingdom.” That is a pretty amazing statement. I don’t have to prove my seriousness to him in an effort to arm-twist him into giving me what I am asking for. Rather I need my heart in alignment with his kingdom, not my own.

Needed or Need?

A few phrases from Jesus have been on my mind recently.

• Those who are well do not need a physician. (Mark 2)
  
• Joy in heaven doesn't occur over those who are so righteous that they don't have anything to repent of. (Luke 15)
  
• Christ didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners. (Mark 2)
  

Often, I have thought that these things really speak to those who are in need of the experience of conversion. In that light, they are of great value to those who have never been rescue, those who have never been saved, those who never have been converted. However in recent days, I have come to realize they have something profound to say to those who already have been rescued, to those who have already been converted, to those who have already tasted of the life-changing work of the gospel.

These words help me realize that as a believer, I am in need of the gospel more than ever. I need a Savior, a rescuer, a healer, a substitute, a deliverer, a physician, a Father, a friend who will lay down their life for me. All of those things I need today!

What strikes me here is that if we look a little bit below the surface, we should realize something profound.

• We are all sick spiritually. Not just in the past, but we are being made whole even today. Therefore, we are in need of a physician. So, Christ is here for the spiritually sick. I didn't just need His healing when I came to Him in faith, I need it today as I come to Him in faith.
  
• We have much to repent of. Not just in the past, but even today we are growing in our joyful, obedience. We have much room to grow. However, as we repent of our sin, there is joy in heaven. So, the angels in heaven throw parties over the conversion of outsiders, but I think there is celebration over Christians who 'get it,' who come to Christ in repentance over post-conversion sin.
  
• We are not righteous on our own. Therefore, we are in the category of people that Christ is calling. If I am righteous in and of myself (or think I am), Christ really has no purpose for me. I am my own Savior (what a scary thought). But, I would much rather join the person who cried out to Jesus, "Lord! Have mercy on me."

The point is that Jesus' message of good news isn't just something we needed (past tense), but something we need. Believers need the gospel!

Instructive verses on the fear of the Lord

Although probably no list could be complete concerning the fear of the Lord, these verse have been especially helpful to me in preparing for speaking about the subject.

• Psalm 36:1
• Romans 3:8
• Romans 1:18-32
• Proverbs 1:7
• Prov 9:10
• 1 Peter 2:17
• Prov 10:27
• Prov 19:23
• Prov 14:26-27
• Prov 22:4
• Prov 31:30
• Psalm 33:6-9, 13, 18-22
• Rev 1:17
• Isaiah 6
• Job 40:3-4
• Psalm 34:9-10, 16
• Luke 12:5-7
• 1 Peter 1:17
• Hebrews 10:31
• 2 Corinthians 5:11
• Matthew 25
• Matthew 5:22
• Romans 8:1, 15-17
• 2 Timothy 1:7
• Luke 1:74-75
• 1 John 4:18
• Proverbs 8:13
• Proverbs 16:6
• Deuteronomy 4:10
• Deuteronomy 17:18-20
• Luke 1:30
• Luke 2:10
• Matthew 28:5

Unreached

I received an email update from the Joshua Project concerning a people group in Morocco of nearly 500,000 people. These were the words...

There may be no followers of Christ among this people group, but we expect many to soon be born into the faith. Pray for them. Pray they will be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

A group with the population of New Castle County and NO followers of Christ is so sobering. And yet the email continued with a verse that I needed to be reminded of. It is Isaiah 52:10 which says, "The Lord has bared His holy arm in the sight of all the nations, That all the ends of the earth may see the salvation of our God."

As I pray for those who do not YET know Christ...

Lord, would you make the good news be GREAT NEWS to people in our area today! Give us boldness to share with others our hope. Help us make Your Word fully known. Open doors for us to show Christ's love and share Christ's work to a world that needs it desperately. Give us clarity. Help our lives (even with our sin) not to detract from the good news. Guard our mouths and the danger we face of using it to harm instead of to build up. Let us make the best use of our time, especially as it relates to people.

Lord, put people in our path who need You, and then allow us to obey your command to make disciples!

From Colossians 4:2-6

As I pray for OBC...

Lord, may you continue Your good work among us, and make our church a people who...

• are filled with the knowledge of Your will. May we not just know it, but also obey it.
  
• walk in a manner that is pleasing to You May we obey, not to earn your favor, but as a result of it.
  
• are bearing fruit in good works. May others see our good works and glorify You!
  
• are increasing in knowledge of You. May we know your ways and your heart better than we did a year ago.
  
• are strengthened for joyful endurance and patience. May we continue faithfully and filled with hope despite pain and disappointment.
  

"Shamelessly plagiarized from Apostle Paul in Colossians 1"

Preparing for Sunday

I am (Lord-willing) going to share from Isaiah 55 on Sunday. Here are the notes so far. Maybe my thoughts will be more organized by Sunday!