In just a few hours I will have the awesome privilege of ministering the Word of God here at OBC. That responsibility always instills a little fear in me. I hope that fear never goes away, it seems to me that fear (in this case) is a healthy emotion.
And yet, I would have to say that the feelings I have could be described as a fearful confidence. Does that even make sense? How could you be confident about something that creates fear. I guess it is because of the "foolishness" of proclaiming God's words. (1 Corinthians 1:18) It seems foolish to think that a sinner could tell other sinners about living right, and yet God ordained it. It seems foolish to think that I could dare speak for God, and yet we have examples in Scripture of people who did it. It seems foolish that God would use someone who feels pretty inadequate to the task, and yet He does. Speaking for God and being a human seem to be incompatible, and yet God does not view it that way. He calls us to do it.
So, I found great encouragement in reading 2 Corinthians 5:19 which seemed to speak so plainly to me this morning, "God in Christ, has reconciled the world to himself (not counting their trespasses against them), and has entrusted us with the message of reconciliation."
That is what makes me tremble. I want God to be pleased with my effort to make clear His reconciliation with sinners. I am supremely confident in Him, and not too confident in my oratorical ability.
These feelings and thoughts only find relief by knowing that God has put them there so that I may rely not on myself, but on God who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:9)